Free porn videos

Ted (2012) /熊麻吉


In 1985, John Bennett is a lonely child living in Boston, who wished for his new Christmas gift—a large teddy bear named Ted—to come to life and become his friend. The wish coincides with a shooting star and comes true; word spread and Ted was briefly a celebrity. In 2012, John and Ted are still living in Boston—aged 35 and 27 respectively— and are still staunch companions enjoying a hedonistic life. John is dating Lori Collins. As their anniversary approaches, Lori hopes to marry John but feels he could not move forward with Ted around. John is hesitant against making Ted leave, but he is persuaded to act when they find Ted at home with four prostitutes. John finds Ted his own apartment and a job at a grocery store, where Ted begins dating his coworker Tami-Lynn. Lori learns that John has been skipping work—using her as an excuse—to continue to spend most of his time with Ted. Things start to come to a head when John and Lori are invited to a party put on by Lori’s womanizing manager Rex, and Ted lures John away to a party at his apartment with the offer to meet Sam J. Jones, the star of their favorite film, Flash Gordon. Although John intends to stay only a few minutes, he gets caught up in the occasion. Lori finds John there and breaks up with him. John blames Ted for ruining his life and tells him to stay away. John and Ted confront each other about their ruined friendship and manage to reconcile after a violent brawl in John’s hotel room. To repair John’s relationship with Lori, Ted arranges with an old lover, singer Norah Jones, to help by having John express his love for Lori with a song during her concert. Although John’s performance proves an embarrassment, Lori is touched by the attempt and returns to her apartment after being angered by Rex’s sneering of him. Ted comes clean to Lori about his role in John’s relapse and offers to leave them alone forever if she can talk to him. Lori is persuaded, but moments after she leaves, Ted is kidnapped by Donny, an obsessive stalker who idolized Ted as a child. Donny plans to make Ted the toy of his brutish son Robert. Ted distracts Robert and reaches a phone to contact John, but he is immediately recaptured. Realizing Ted is in danger, John and Lori locate Donny’s residence and track him to rescue Ted. The chase leads to Fenway Park, where John punches Robert, but during the chase, Ted is damaged and falls onto the field ripped entirely in half. A police car arrives, forcing Donny to flee. As John and Lori gather Ted’s stuffing, Ted relays his wish that John be happy with Lori, as the magic that gives him life fades away. Unable to accept Ted’s death, a distraught John and Lori attempt to repair Ted, which proves useless. That night, Lori feels guilty about the incident, and makes a wish on a shooting star. The next morning, John hangs his head while looking over Ted’s dead body. Fortunately, Ted is magically restored and after he tricks John into thinking he is retarded, he and Lori fully reconcile with Ted, who encourages them to resume their relationship. With that resolution, John and Lori are married (with Sam Jones as the presiding minister), and Ted comfortably accepts having a life of his own as he and Tami-Lynn continued their torrid love affair. One afternoon, Ted was caught behind the deli counter eating potato salad off of Tami-Lynn’s bare bottom. He was instantly promoted to store manager. Sam Jones attempts to restart his career and moves into a studio apartment with Brandon Routh. Rex gives up his pursuit of Lori, goes into a deep depression, and dies of Lou Gehrig’s disease. Donny gets arrested by the Boston Police Department for kidnapping a plush toy, but the charges are dropped because they sound ridiculous. Robert hires a personal trainer, loses a significant amount of weight, and goes on to become Taylor Lautner.

1985年,在美国麻省大波士顿的一个小鎮裏,主人翁约翰是个沒有朋友的小男孩,没有人跟他玩,就连被邻居欺负的孩子,也叫他滚蛋。在那年的圣诞节,他获得了一只大泰迪熊作为他的生日礼物,并给它起名为Teddy(简称Ted),但由于约翰没有朋友,于是在睡前祈祷,希望這個絨毛玩偶能够成为他的好朋友,跟他說話。约翰许愿完后,一颗大大的流星从天而降,而第二天他的美夢成真,絨毛玩偶開始有了生命,他欣喜若狂。此事当时在美国轰动一时,而Ted在那时也短暂地成为了一个家喻户晓的「名熊」。 时光飞逝,27年后,长大的约翰和Ted,住在他们位于波士顿老城区的新家,约翰在一家汽车租赁公司里找到了工作,而Ted则过着“无所事事”的生 活(幾乎每天飲酒、吸大麻),而另一方面,约翰需要马上“解决”他与女朋友、办公室白领羅莉长达四年的戀情問題。约翰與羅莉交往了四年,羅莉希望约翰能夠 求婚,但羅莉担心如果Ted不離開約翰,兩人戀情可能无法继续下去,因为Ted已变成了一个肮脏,粗俗,令人讨厌的“败家子”。 虽然约翰并不愿意赶走這位跟随他一生的好伙伴,但是当约翰跟羅莉在交往四年的纪念日約會結束,回到家门就发现Ted召来四名妓女狂歡,而Ted與妓女們玩真心话大冒险时, 竟然有人在地板上大便。这件事给了约翰“赶走”Ted的“理由”。为了安顿好Ted,约翰幫它租了一栋公寓,又幫Ted在超市找了一份工作。超市的老闆個 性怪異,在超市裏,Ted非常不盡職,舉動荒誕,老闆竟然還讓Ted升职。非常荒唐的Ted也與肤浅的女同事妲蜜琳(Tami-Lynn)墜入愛河,還要 約翰猜這女生的名字,嘲諷當時NBA球員林書豪的英文名字流行熱潮。而约翰怕Ted孤独,多次以羅莉出事为由,向公司请假去陪伴Ted,羅莉知道后非常气愤。同时,一位名叫唐尼的人(小时候将Ted當作偶像),想“霸占”Ted作为给他任性胖儿子罗伯的礼物,但约翰拒绝了。 约翰和羅莉的关系,随着愛慕羅莉的总经理瑞斯的派对,而有了着落,在瑞斯的派对上,Ted突然打电话给约翰,邀約翰去参加派对,因为可以见到小时候的电影偶像山姆·琼斯。约翰并原本想去Ted的派对呆几分钟就好,但当山姆.瓊斯说服约翰和Ted吸食可卡因,且因派对声响过大而打擾了鄰居,鄰居忍无可忍后闖入,使得派对彻底失控。最后,当约翰离开公寓时,羅莉发现了约翰并愤怒地和他分手。约翰很伤心,因此向Ted发怒,并打算與Ted絕交。 Ted找到了约翰所住的飯店,并告诉他还有挽回羅莉的机会。起初约翰并不想看见他,还为此爆发打斗,但后来两人和解。与此同时,瑞斯开始追求羅莉,并带她去看爵士乐歌手諾拉·瓊斯的演唱会。Ted宣稱他在1980年代流行女歌手Belinda Carlisle的家中,與諾拉·瓊斯發生過一夜情, 由于诺拉与Ted的旧交,为了挽回约翰与羅莉的感情,諾拉允许约翰在她的演唱会上献唱,以挽回女友。虽然约翰的拙劣唱功遭到了包括瑞斯等其他观众的一致嘲 笑,但羅莉却被他的诚意感动。此时过后,Ted和羅莉在她的公寓相见。Ted告诉羅莉,願意对约翰的过错负责,如果羅莉能与约翰能够溝通、和好,Ted會 離去,永不打扰他们。羅莉答应了它的请求。但当Ted准备离开羅莉家的时候,唐尼和他的孩子罗伯绑架了Ted。 Ted千方百计地迷惑罗伯和唐尼,以换取打电话给约翰的时间,但电话打到中途,被唐尼切断。约翰和羅莉听出Ted处境危急,因此两人從唐尼给约翰的聯絡卡,找到了唐尼的家,但唐尼早就预测到约翰会过来救Ted,因此把Ted装到麻布袋裏逃亡。 约翰发现了他们并穷追不舍,并一直追到芬威球場。在球場,唐尼竭尽全力不让约翰他倆救走Ted,但在追逐过程中,Ted在唐尼拉扯下被撕成两半。这时一辆警车赶来,而唐尼借机逃走。约翰和羅莉在捡Ted碎落一地的绒毛时,Ted用尽最后的力气告诉约翰和羅莉,對自己的一生所作所为懺悔,并希望他们能幸福生活。Ted说完之后,魔法消失,也就意味着它的死亡。 约翰和羅莉回家后,无法接受Ted的死。他们開始為它手術,尝试了多种办法让Ted复活,但毫无效果。那天晚上,羅莉许了個愿,与此同时,一颗大大的流星从天而降。第二天,当约翰和羅莉醒来时,发现Ted奇迹般复活了。但羅莉解釋前晚她並沒有希望牠復活,而是希望能過最好最原始的生活。三人最后再次成为了形影不离的好朋友。 约翰和羅莉结婚,而証婚的人不是牧師或神父,而是山姆.瓊斯。而Ted也适应了没有约翰的生活,而Ted與妲蜜琳的公然調情行徑,博得了古怪老闆的歡心,不仅没使Ted被解雇,还被晋升为超市经理。 而该电影最末的旁白也點出了其他人的结局:瑞斯最后对羅莉死心,患上极度严重的憂鬱症,最后死于漸凍人症;唐尼由于「绑架绒毛玩具」的罪名被逮捕,但警方后来把他放了,因为絨毛玩具本身並沒有美國憲法賦予的人權;山姆.瓊斯回到洛城尝试在好莱坞復出,最后与布蘭登·勞斯有染;罗伯后来师从一位私人健身教练,减肥数十磅,藝名泰勒·洛特纳,成為电影《暮光之城2》的男主角。